Talking the Talk

Learn how to teach your child about alcohol prevention by what you say and do

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Middle school teens look to parents for guidance

Teens do look to parents for information and guidance about important issues like alcohol, even if it sometimes feels like they teens listen more to media or friends. (1)

Research Spotlight

Research shows that what parents think about alcohol plays a role in their kids' alcohol use decisions. (1-5) Eighty percent of middle school students thought their parents should have a say about whether they have alcohol. (6) One study found that if parents clearly stated their expectations about drinking, and didn’t involve children in adult alcohol use (not asking them to bring or pour drinks for them) their children were less likely to drink alcohol when they were in their mid teens. (7)

tips

Six tips for talking about alcohol with your kids

Tip #1: Set clear expectations

Children need to know what parents expect of them, so be very specific. Say things like:

“Our family rule is that you don’t touch alcohol. This means that you shouldn’t even take small sips or tastes, even at home.”

Tip #2: Give your child straight facts about alcohol and expect questions:

Teaching your child about the harms of alcohol can help them understand that alcohol is a powerful substance, and that you have good reasons for making family rules against alcohol use by children. Tell your child that any question about alcohol is okay to ask. By making alcohol an easy thing to talk about, you lay the foundation for talking about it in the years ahead. Here are some examples:

“Alcohol is really not good for young people’s brains. It can hurt how your brain grows and make it harder for you to remember things."

"Teens who drink can feel sad and lonely, and it’s harder to talk to people they’re close with. I don’t want you to feel that way."

"Thanks for asking that question. I really want to make sure that we can always talk about alcohol and other important things.”

Tip #4: Explain your reasons.

Children do better following rules that have good reasons behind them. Explaining the reasons behind your family rules about alcohol is another opportunity to teach your child.

“If I let you try alcohol now, you might get the message that I think alcohol is okay for you to have when you are in middle or high school. But that’s not what I think. So no sips or tastes. I want you to leave alcohol alone until you are an adult.”

Tip #5: Trust your child will follow your family rules, but establish consequences:

Unless you know your child has tried alcohol, assume they have not. Tell your child that you trust that they won’t be having alcohol. Let your child know that there will be consequences for not following your family’s rules about alcohol.

“Now that we’ve made some family rules about alcohol, you know how important it is to me that you stay away from it. It’s up to me to keep you safe and healthy. I trust you to stick with our family rules, but if I find out you do have alcohol, there will be consequences.”

Tip #6: If the rules are broken:

Take time to decide on a consequence that is fair and related. A fair consequence is strong enough to have an effect but not too harsh or impossible to carry out. A related consequence helps children remember what could happen if they break the rule again. An example of a related consequence is not allowing a child to spend time with the friend who shared some alcohol.

"Because you chose to break a family rule at our community park with your friends, as a consequence I can't let you go back to that park with friends."

scenarios

Talking about Adult Alcohol Use with Your Child

Teachable Moments are unplanned opportunities for you to teach your child by taking advantage of a real-life experience that sparks your child’s curiosity. They can happen at any time or in any place. You can’t force teachable moments to happen, but you can be on the lookout for them. Watch these three videos scenarios of teachable moments:

Video #1: You and your child notice someone visibly drunk

01:19

Play Video

Video #2: Watching a movie with your child where young people are drinking

01:44

Play Video

Video #3: Talking to your child before dropping them off at a friend's house

01:33

Play Video

actions

Q. How can parents communicate about alcohol through their actions at home?

Children see and hear a lot of things at home that seem small to us, but can add up to have a big influence on the way they think about alcohol.

Here are seven ways you can teach your child about alcohol through your actions:

#1: Don't let your child taste alcohol.

Research shows that children who stay alcohol-free during childhood are less likely to drink alcohol as teenagers. That means no sips, no tastes, no watered down drinks, no tasting beer foam, no drizzling alcohol over ice cream or desserts, and no mocktails. Allowing these tastes shows you allow underage drinking or that alcohol is "special." Make sure to communicate to your kids that you don't allow alcohol before they find themselves in a situation with alcohol.

foundations

Communication Foundations for Parents

Keep these top three communication tips in mind

Be a mirror

Reflect what your child says. “It seems like you need some help understanding why we have these rules. Is that right?”

Communicating and Parenting for Self-Esteem

Self-esteem: protection against risky behaviors

What is self esteem?

Children who have strong self-esteem feel good about themselves. A child who thinks “I am happy to be me” has strong self-esteem. Children with strong self-esteem believe in themselves, feel that what they do matters, are proud of their accomplishments, can handle frustration, and are more likely to be respected by others.

Q: How does low self-esteem influence alcohol use?

Children with low self-esteem are more likely to drink alcohol, smoke, and get involved in other risky behaviors during their teen years. They may be more likely to go along with what other kids are doing, see using alcohol as one way to make friends, and have a harder time saying no to peer pressure. Children with strong self-esteem are much less likely to have these problems.

Boosting a child’s self-esteem through words and actions

Tip #1: Show your affection

By giving hugs and saying “I love you,” and just having fun and laughing with them, parents make children feel good about themselves.

Tip #2: Help your child be more independent

Give your child tasks that are challenging but within their abilities. Add responsibilities as your child matures so that your child feels like a valuable, contributing member of the family. Allow your child to make some of their own decisions and to solve problems. Involve your child in making plans. Your child will learn to trust their own judgment and will be less likely to go along with peer pressure.

Tip #4: Give your child chances to get involved in activities where they can succeed at new things

Just about any activity will do – playing an instrument, dancing, fishing, cooking, swimming, volunteering, fixing things…this list goes on. To help your child discover a special talent or two, introduce them to new activities and pay attention to those they enjoy and are good at. Support your child’s interest by providing transportation, lessons, or supplies, by showing interest and appreciation, and by sharing the talent with family and friends.

Sipping_References

References

Barnes GM & Welte JW. (1986). Patterns and predictors of alcohol use among 7-12th grade students in New York State. Journal of Studies on Alcohol, 47(1), 53–62 (1986). https://doi.org/10.15288/jsa.1986.47.53
Denise B. Kandel & Kenneth Andrews (1987) Processes of Adolescent Socialization by Parents and Peers, International Journal of the Addictions, 22:4, 319-342, https://doi.org/10.3109/10826088709027433
Ellickson PL & Hays RD. (1991). Antecedents of drinking among young adolescents with different alcohol use histories. Journal of Studies on Alcohol, 52(5), 398–408 (1991). https://doi.org/10.15288/jsa.1991.52.398
Dennis V Ary, Elizabeth Tildesley, Hyman Hops & Judy Andrews (1993) The Influence of Parent, Sibling, and Peer Modeling and Attitudes on Adolescent Use of Alcohol, International Journal of the Addictions, 28:9, 853-880, DOI: 10.3109/10826089309039661
Renee E. Sieving, Geoffrey Maruyama, Carolyn L. Williams & Cheryl L. Perry (2000) Pathways to Adolescent Alcohol Use: Potential Mechanisms of Parent Influence, Journal of Research on Adolescence, 10:4, 489-514, DOI: 10.1207/SJRA1004_06
Jackson C. (2002). Perceived legitimacy of parental authority and tobacco and alcohol use during early adolescence. The Journal of adolescent health : official publication of the Society for Adolescent Medicine, 31(5), 425–432. https://doi.org/10.1016/s1054-139x(02)00398-1
Peggy L. Peterson, J. David Hawkins, Robert D. Abbott & Richard F. Catalano (1994) Disentangling the Effects of Parental Drinking, Family Management, and Parental Alcohol Norms on Current Drinking by Black and White Adolescents, Journal of Research on Adolescence, 4:2, 203-227, DOI: 10.1207/s15327795jra0402_3

Talking the Talk

Learn how to teach your child about alcohol prevention by what you say and do

Middle school teens look to parents for guidance

Research Spotlight

Six tips for talking about alcohol with your kids

Talking about Adult Alcohol Use with Your Child

Video #1: You and your child notice someone visibly drunk

Video #2: Watching a movie with your child where young people are drinking

Video #3: Talking to your child before dropping them off at a friend's house

Q. How can parents communicate about alcohol through their actions at home?

#1: Don't let your child taste alcohol.

Communication Foundations for Parents

Keep these top three communication tips in mind

Be a mirror

Speak from your heart

Open the door

Communicating and Parenting for Self-Esteem

Self-esteem: protection against risky behaviors

What is self esteem?

Q: How does low self-esteem influence alcohol use?

Boosting a child’s self-esteem through words and actions